Lol, what a joke. All of this. What a fucking joke. I’m done. I’m such a screw up that it’s ridiculous. My attempts to work at things i care about are pointless. My time spent on things that i think are significant is completely a waste. Honestly the effort i put into anything is futile. Working so much harder and spending so much more time on something that comes so easily for others?…and even after the extra time i put into it, nothing matters because I fail at everything. But it’s all good cause I don’t give a shit anymore. I’ve lost all determination and all motivation. I’m done being such a screw up with everything i touch. I’m done hurting people and I’m done trying to make myself happy. What’s the point? Finally learned my lesson; I need to stop giving a shit about myself.

Gonna go on with this life for however long i can pull through. Working to make others happy because seeing that is what makes me happy. I’ll work at that every day. Do everything to make others happy and forget about what ever the hell i want for myself. That is all.

I barely even use it and it’s gotten me into so much shit. Lol, fail. This is prolly my last post on this blog as I will create my 7th blog due to my 6 previous failures. But I’d just like to say one last thing to you:

Thanks so much. Receiving the letter in the first place already made me speechless, but after reading it I was amazed. Thanks for even noticing anything in the first place; I am pretty positive that that may be one of the most challenging things to accomplish. Most importantly, thanks for even caring. I know you have no reason to, especially since I clearly have no been acting deserving of it, but thank you for not quitting. I’m sorry things aren’t like they used to be (like last year or any of the years before), but know that I’m always here for you like you wrote you are for me.

“This might not change anything,” you said. You’re wrong, the letter itself has definitely had an impact on me. Thank you.

Pick up a phone, not a blade.

Call the Krazr, not a razor.

It’s awkward crying at night when you’re trying to sleep and escape reality. It’s even more awkward when you can’t contain yourself and you break out crying in the middle of the day. The awkwardness increases as you realize what’s around you, whether you be in the middle of school or you be at home. It’s awkward crying hysterically in front of your peers in the middle of class or even in the halls with strangers passing by, staring. It’s awkward crying at home in front of parents/siblings who have no idea what’s going on in your life and thus are trying to fathom the situation you are in. It’s awkward when you’re walking around your own house and you can’t help but fall to the ground as a waterfall pours out of your eyes. When you try to be as quiet as possible so no one hears you and you quickly try to pull yourself to somewhere confined so no one can find you. It’s awkward when you’re using all of your energy so you can make it to your room to cry freely without getting caught by a parent or sibling. It’s the awkwardest thing when they catch you and you have to quickly lie about what you’re crying over.

LMFAO, what a fucking joke. See, this is why I SHOULD keep this a secret, so people won’t refrain from telling me the truth. Filthy lies.

Always speak your mind when you have the rare chance. If you don’t, you’ll be stuck crying over this hidden burden inside your already broken heart.

I hate ending things on a bad note, even if it is just for a night. Thanks to my wandering mind, no sleep for me tonight.

Wtf?!?! Why am I crying over you?!?! We’re fine and I’m not in the position I was before and things are different now. But what the hell I’m still here crying? Why?! What the fuck?!